As much Hishtadlus as is necessary for us to do to marry off our children, we must recognize that without Hashem's input, the chances for hatzlacha are slim. Every endeavor, including shidduchim, needs סייעתא דשמיא to achieve success. So although inquiries need to be done and they must be done properly, we want to ensure that our Hishtadlus will be a proper vessel for the סייעתא דשמיא.
Hashem's aid frequently expresses itself in the swiftness in which success is attained. Our goal should be that our Hishtadlus should not interfere with the smoothness of the process. One way to accomplish this is to try to the utmost of our abilities not to schlep out the process. This includes prompt research, and responding to suggestions and follow up to 'Shidduch meetings' in a timely fashion. Every step of the way can be protracted or can keep moving in a focused manner. Promptness is important because true הצלחה from Hashem often goes smoothly and efficiently. Many a time we have heard it said, "When the right one came along, it went quickly." That's because it was with G-dly הצלחה.
So when seeking Hashem's assistance, we should behave similarly. If it's not meant to be, Hashem will certainly make sure that the incompatibility should come to light. At least we should not be the source of the shidduch's failure (by drawing out the process more than necessary), especially if it was otherwise meant to be. The fact of the matter is that when wedon't move the Shidduch along efficiently, the Shidduch can lose momentum.
We find that part of the הצלחה that Eliezer had in arranging the Shidduch of Yitzchok and Rivkah, was that the moment Eliezer mentioned the proposal to Rivka, she responded positively. She could have very well said, "Well, let me think it over for a day or two. Better yet, wait a few years." The potential contemplative answers she could have given, are many (as we know from experience). The supernatural הצלחה was that without any 'bumps in the road',all stages in the Shidduch were achieved without any delay. Eliezer found Rivka as soon as he came to town, the family agreed to the idea immediately, and most importantly Rivkaagreed without any hesitation.
Often when there are motions to slow things down, the merits of the suggestion outweigh the excuses given forpostponing the next step. In other words, the couple iscompatible with each other in most important matters, but the age won't fit exactly to what they were looking for, or they only want suggestions of girls who attended a specific seminary, or of boys who went on shlichus to a certain place, to mention a few. It's amazing how often parents will describe what they need for their child, and when a suggestion is recommended that is compatible with their child, suddenly a whole list of other important 'needs' become a factor.
When contemplating that this offer might be the right one, is it worth it to consider 'other needs' that will slow down the progression?
If you think about it, it's not the excuse given that is slowing the process, it's in our brain. If we decide that a certain factor will be hindrance, then that's how it will be. If, however, we refocus on what is of principal importance in the shidduch, there will be fewer obstructions.
This is something that I personally noticed in the successful shidduchim that I had the זכות to be involved in, that the process generally went quite smoothly. Proper inquiries were done in a very timely manner, and general communication was prompt. When a distraction did arise, such as a conflict with earlier plans, the parties involved kept their eye on the main goal, and made the right decision not to 'take a break' and slow things down, rather they made the required changes to accommodate the opportunity they were in at the time. Of course this only helped the Shidduch move in a positive direction.
Even if smooth transitioning through the stages of a Shidduch doesn’t work once, try it again because it will eliminate one of the obstacles that often exist in shidduchim.
When we do what we can to eliminate slowing factors, we will then be זוכה to Hashem's amazing and speedy success in our efforts to set up successful shidduchim.
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