Protecting? From what?

Protecting? From what…

As a part of our attempt to diminish the contributing factors ofthe Shidduch 'crisis', we would like to bring to light various things people do, often naturally and with good intentions, thinking that a good outcome will result, when most of the time they are actually delaying the marriage of their children.

One example is the quality of being protective of one's children. 'Protective' means that in the vast world we inhabit, with loads of good and productive people, there are situations to be wary of. The reality is that not everybody is so good and productive. Sadly, we sometimes find this out too late. So it's normal and expected that a parent should do what they can to protect their children from undesired circumstances.

This is accomplished by doing solid research on a prospective spouse. It would be highly irresponsible for parents to send a child on shidduchim with a person about whom they do not have a clear picture. Just because they heard some nice reports or know the family from long ago is not enough of a reason to agree for a young couple to meet. Doing inquiries about a שידוך proposal must be done properly. So being protective is the responsible thing to do.

But this is not the purpose of this article. Protection becomes problematic when parents are overprotective. Sometimes, parents are not in tune with what a healthy amount of protectiveness is, too much caution is exercised and in turn it ends up protecting the child from any שידוך altogether.

The idea here is that protectiveness can be a limitation. In the right amount, it's a helpful limitation, but too much protection can lead to a setting so restricted that the right one will be left outside the limitation.

It is possible to be protective of one's children in a responsible way. So the next time we think about taking steps to shelter one of our children in shidduchim, we should think, 'Am I shielding my child from the unpleasant and undesirable elements of the world, or am I 'protecting' my child from the joy and fulfillment of a good marriage?'