An integral aspect of Bitachon is that we make a השתדלות only on things that we know we have control over. Things we don't have control of, i.e. the things in Hashem's control; we shouldn't worry about or make an effort to influence. If we know that a certain issue is in Hashem's hands and we try to influence its outcome anyway, it is competing with Hashem's plan and is completely contrary to the conduct of בטחון.
Tip! There may be areas we think we can influence, and then we get a reality check. We should not feel down, just understand that this is one area that we now know we cannot influence.
On the long list of the נסיונות of חושך הגלות are included thechallenges related to shidduchim. There are many involved in the process that possess faulty.השקפות But one thing is clear: dwelling on the many problems is both negative and out of our control to remedy;two בטחון no-nos. So to stay focused, we need to push the positive agenda of trying to improve the situation in areas we can influence.
One thing that everyone can do is endeavor to set up shidduchim. Yes, there is no one who cannot make the effort. Who knows? There may be a שידוך that you are destined to arrange, and which is waiting for you to initiate! There is absolutely nothing wrong- and absolutely everything right- with every person getting involved in arrangingשידוכים. Granted, people shouldn't just throw around names, but positive action must be taken.
Some people may say, “OK, I can think of ideas, but I will give them to someone else to redt.” That is a good beginning; however there can be a shortcoming. The downside might be that the official שדכן may not pursue the suggestion with the same conviction that you would. After all, the שדכן is not you, and may not feel as strongly as you do about the idea. Additionally, at times the שדכן won't even make the suggestion, for he may think there is an issue with the idea, etc.
It may not solve all of the שידוך challenges prevalent today, but taking positive action will certainly put us in a forward moving direction. Instead of posting on blogs and writing articles about all of the problems and all of the different perspectives regarding who is to blame, let's take action. Think only in a positive direction, and even if you are getting a lot of ''no's'', don't give up!
(Some advice on how to begin is to think of your friend or relative on an internal level, who they are, especially in their level of yiddishkeit, and not to just consider their external qualities. This has nothing to do with how much time you've spent with him/her; a 5 minute conversation could be enough to decipher this information. Once these details have been clarified, it will be clear to see what you are looking for, what would probably work and what would not.)
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